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| © Instagram I did a pet psychic reading with celebrity animal communicator Sonya Fitzpatrick to try to cure my dog's separation anxiety. Here's what happened. |
I call Scrapple—an 8-year-old mini schnauzer from Philadelphia, which explains the name—my son. To strangers. He’s my iPhone background. I throw him birthday parties. I rub doggy dry shampoo on his body between groomings. Meaning: It’s probably not that surprising that to cope with his (my?) separation anxiety, I took him to a psychic?
And by “took him,” I mean I called up the Susan Miller (if you know, you know) of animal communication: Sonya Fitzpatrick.
And by “took him,” I mean I called up the Susan Miller (if you know, you know) of animal communication: Sonya Fitzpatrick.
Fitzpatrick can, according to her, communicate telepathically with animals (yes, even over the phone). She’s had the gift since childhood, she says. She’s also written three books, hosted a show on Animal Planet (The Pet Psychic, obviously), and been a guest on MSNBC. Basically, people want to hear what she has to say about their pets—and are willing to pony up (heh) the cash for her $300 per 30 minutes rate. Oh, and about 17 seconds into our session, I cried.
“Scrapple is saying that you love him a lot and you’re always kissing him on the head,” Fitzpatrick told me, as I nodded enthusiastically to no one. When I ask what exactly makes him freak TF out when he’s alone even if I’m only gone for a quick bodega run, she explains: “The reason is dogs have a network of nerves under their skin.” “And his are closer to the surface,” she continues. “He’s feeling like he feels everything, you know?”
“Scrapple is saying that you love him a lot and you’re always kissing him on the head,” Fitzpatrick told me, as I nodded enthusiastically to no one. When I ask what exactly makes him freak TF out when he’s alone even if I’m only gone for a quick bodega run, she explains: “The reason is dogs have a network of nerves under their skin.” “And his are closer to the surface,” she continues. “He’s feeling like he feels everything, you know?”
I mean, I don’t, but I sort of do? Her recommendation: a ThunderShirt. Yep.
She asked him to chill on the barking for me, which is sort of impossible to track to see if it worked, but whatever, I’ll take it.
Fitzpatrick goes on: “Scrapple sees a black dog and says, ‘It’s friendly.’” Hmm, except a neighbor’s black dog once bit him on the snoot....Then again, she knows stuff no one could unless they were, um, psychic. Like, “He says, ‘Mommy always says to me, I’ll be back. But I don’t like her going.’” And “‘My mom is always looking in my ears.’”
Fine, I know what you’re thinking. But I don’t care. Because what I thought of as a long shot to cure Scrapple of his Anxious Boy Energy—or at least a fun story to tell at parties—actually made me feel more emotionally connected with him. Whether he’s aware of it or not.
“I’ve never been loved as much,” Scrapple told Fitzpatrick. And now I’m crying again, bye.
She asked him to chill on the barking for me, which is sort of impossible to track to see if it worked, but whatever, I’ll take it.
Fitzpatrick goes on: “Scrapple sees a black dog and says, ‘It’s friendly.’” Hmm, except a neighbor’s black dog once bit him on the snoot....Then again, she knows stuff no one could unless they were, um, psychic. Like, “He says, ‘Mommy always says to me, I’ll be back. But I don’t like her going.’” And “‘My mom is always looking in my ears.’”
Fine, I know what you’re thinking. But I don’t care. Because what I thought of as a long shot to cure Scrapple of his Anxious Boy Energy—or at least a fun story to tell at parties—actually made me feel more emotionally connected with him. Whether he’s aware of it or not.
“I’ve never been loved as much,” Scrapple told Fitzpatrick. And now I’m crying again, bye.
